She Did It Too!

Today when we went to visit the girls, we were pleasantly surprised to learn that Abby was ready to start working on the bottle too, despite being on oxygen. (I was told that her being on oxygen this long is typical for a preemie - the NP told me to expect her to come home with it, and that Ella being off it this long successfully is actually atypical, so that put a lot of my fears to rest) So I worked with Abby and she did really good! She ate as much as her sister did yesterday, 6 ccs and then passed out. She got the rest in her tummy so she was all good. We sat and cuddled for a long time after that while Lonny tried his had with Ella. Unfortunately, Ella was too sleepy! The nurse didn't have us do her oral care or brush her hair, which is too bad...this usually wakes her right up! (We lift the babies up to brush the back of their hair and they were worried that plus just getting her out of the isolette would be too tiring for her). She took the binky for a while, but she was soooo sleepy! If I may brag a little here, and I think I may, dang it - I started talking to Ella from across the room to try and rouse her a bit. As SOON as she heard my voice, her eyes flew open and she was looking around trying to see me. I kept right on talking and she tried her darndest to come awake but she was just too tired. But the developmental tech (a different one from yesterday) was just amazed at Ella's response and said that was the biggest vocal recognition she had ever seen. Hmmm, do I get the feeling Ella is going to be a Mama's Girl? That's just fine with me! Abby slept on my chest the whole time and we sang together. We have ditched Christmas songs and we are now working our way through Fleetwood Mac with a concentration on songs by Stevie Nicks.

I had my check up with the doctor today. Sounds like everything is okay, he was very impressed by my incision (everybody is - Dr. Clark apparently does good work!) and we are going to continue the blood pressure meds. One super unpleasant thing is that I had developed plantar's fasciitis during my last few weeks of pregnancy (for those of you who don't know what that is, it is a very painful condition in my feet involving the ligaments - it feels like you are walking on needles) and it has continued even though I have lost my pregnancy weight. He has never heard of it continuing post partum, and said I need to see a podiatrist asap. Complete bummer! Please pray for me if you could remember - it could effect a lot of things in my life that I love (besides being able to walk pain free) like playing tennis.

As of tonight, we had great progress! Abby gained 20 grams since yesterday and now weighs in at 3 lbs 6 oz! Ella hit 1600 grams which puts her at 3 lbs 8 oz! This is exceptional (have I told you how exceptional my daughters are lately?) in that when they put preemies on air temperature in their isolettes, as they have my girls and they burn so many calories learning how to eat off the bottle they usually lose weight. The girls continue to amaze and inspire!

Lexie put them in matching outfits....their first clothes. Pictures to come! Again, I am sorry but I am pooped. We have been working on the nursery tonight after it took us, no lie, 2 hours to get home from the hospital today due to the snow storm. YIKE! It was crazy out there. I am glad to know my girls were safe and warm. Baby shower tomorrow night with family! Exciting stuff.....

She Did it!

Ella had what the developmental tech called the "perfect experience" with her bottle today and I couldn't have described it better myself! First time out of the shoot! She did sooooo good and it was one of the sweetest moments I have ever experienced in my life.

Best part was I got to hold her in my lap. She started with just her binky and the tech putting some formula in a syringe and squeezing it in to the side of Ella's mouth. You could tell right a way she loved it. She managed to get 6 CCs in her (No spitting up!) and then she got really tired. This happens with preemies, it is a lot of work to drink from a bottle and they burn a lot of calories doing it. Before she conked out, and I mean conked OUT, she gave me a couple of happy, sleepy smiles (I am not making that up, the nurse and the tech both saw it and commented on it, so that's not just a proud mommy talking). She certainly knows her mama and her mama's voice. She will try just once a day for the next couple of days then they will see if she is ready to go twice a day on Friday. Daddy gets to feed her on Thursday and I can't wait!!!

How Could I Forget....

to mention (other than sheer exhaustion) that today Ella and I will try her first bottle feeding???!!! This is very exciting and a major step towards being able to come home. Because she has been giving off feeding cues, she was "nominated" for assessment and the developmental team wants to give it a try. She is still about 2-3 weeks too young for the average baby, so if it doesn't work out, we are not to be discouraged. So think good sucky thoughts for Ella today and I will let you know how it goes!

Catch Up

I took a few days for the holidays from blogging...much has been going on!

There are pictures to share, but it has been a long long day and I will try to post them tomorrow.

First and foremost, Santa Claus came to the NICU! The timing was absolutely perfect, because we both happened to be there and Ella was already out and we were in the process of taking Abby out, so we got some great pictures with the jolly fat guy. It was a very difficult day, it is no fun having your babies in the hospital on Christmas. But we were given some adorable gifts by the parent support team, and having the opportunity to see Santa really helped make the day more bearable.

I will absolutely post pictures too, of the amazing toy box we were given by Chad and Angela. They designed and made it themselves. It is a gorgeous walnut with drawers at the bottom. There is even a part that stands up and there are three 8 x 10 frames for a picture of each child. It was really moving and just beautiful. Thank you Chad and LaLa!!!

Sunday when we went in for our visit, the Nurse Practitioner came in and spoke with us for a bit. We were told that an echocardiogram would be performed on Abby on Monday to rule out the possibility of a PDA. I am not sure what it stands for, but basically there are ducts in the heart that are open in utero, and then close when we are born. Since Abby started not needing oxygen and then all of a sudden developed a need for it they were concerned that the ducts had stayed open. They would try to treat it with meds and if that didn't work, surgery. This of course was pretty unnerving, but the NP said her numbers have been so good, he doubted it was the case. Still.....

This morning I went in for my a.m. visit and again got to sit in on rounds. Then went in to see the girls. The tech came in to do the echo right then, so I got to be with Abby when it was done. Good thing too...she was so wiggly, I had to hold her binky in her mouth with one hand and hold her squirmy little hands with the other. She kept trying to grab the wand! It lasted about an hour.

I read stories to the girls and went home. Got the call this afternoon that Abby's echo came back totally normal! Hurray! Great news. The plan now will be to keep her on the oxygen for a few days, then try again to ween her off. She is still on a quarter liter of just flow of 21 percent. About as low as it can be. She keeps trying to yank out the canula, so I feel confident that she will be off it any day now.

Called to get her stats tonight...that baby is one tough cookie! Sunday they took measurements. She stayed the same length wise (16 inches) but her head is a centimeter larger. She had a HUGE weight gain, 75 grams. That means that Abby is now 3 lbs 5 oz!!! She has officially overtaken her sister.

Speaking of Ella, she also stayed the same (16 1/4 inches) and increased her head size by a centimeter. I am sorry to report that she had a weight loss and is now 3 lbs 3 oz, her birth weight again. We have a sneaking suspicion as to why...When our favorite night nurse, Lexie came on this evening, Ella started screaming. She apparently had a poop blow-out! It was described as though a chocolate bar exploded in her isolette! (sorry for the TMI). She got a sink bath out of the deal and all new bedding. The only thing she could save was a tiny blanket I had been sleeping with for the past few nights - I was told to do this and to get my "scent" on it so that they would have something with them that smelled like Mommy. I am grateful for that!

It is hard to keep up with all the wonderful phone calls and texts. I am doing my best, but every day is a bit of a roller coaster. Please continue to be patient, everyone has been great and we so appreciate the support and prayers. I am now going to bed!!!

Christmas Eve Visit

The girls had very special visitors today....their cousins Cassandra and John! They came and spent about an hour with the girls - they watched me do cares for both of them. It is so wonderful to have family come and visit them...these babies need to know they have a great big family filled with people who love them! I am very grateful for the visit!

Then Daddy came and we did Kangaroo Care. Today I had Abby and I had the most terrible time letting her go. It was very hard to leave them knowing tonight is Christmas Eve. I miss my babies so much when I am not with them...but I love being with Connor and making cookies for Santa, setting out carrots for the reindeer and all of the other lovely Christmas Eve things that we do. All I can do is just tell myself that next year will be totally different.

To brighten my day a bit, in the mail today, we received the personalized stockings for the girls. We hung them up with ours over the fireplace, stood back and marveled at the size of our family now. It was a pretty emotional moment for both of us, I will tell you that.

Tonight the girls are doing great (they must know that Santa is coming!)....Abby had a great weight gain....she is now 3 lbs 1 oz - a whole ounce in a day! Ella was about at 3lbs or so last night (it is hard to get a precise weight sometimes because it is in grams) and tonight she is at 3lbs, 4oz!!! Way to go little ladies!

Connor, Abby and Ella....the greatest gifts I have ever been given. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Snowflakes

Snowflakes spill from Heaven's hand
Floating gently onto foreign land
Each one a miracle, a stunning sight;
Lovely, pure and full of HIS light

A Preemie, like a snowflake, is a miracle too!
A piece of God's handiwork, sent especially to you
Before she was polished, a few months too soon
To eat and to grow in a curious womb.

She's a veil of wonder laced in light
Descended gently on a winter's night
A blessing from Heaven in this season of love
To hold and to cherish, God's gift from above.

Merry Christmas

32 Gestational Weeks

Good day today...Abby looking much better!

The Nurse Practitioner decided to do some blood work on Abby, because she was needing additional help. All of her tests came back negative (which is positive)! She does appear to have a little virus (not uncommon in the NICU) but she seems to be fighting it off just fine. She still needs a little help oxygen wise, and they kept her at her same feeding level just so she doesn't have to work so hard while she is taking care of virus business. Abby did show a little of her old feisty today...she crawled right out of her little papoose! I think she will be back to herself in no time.

The best news of all is that she had a 40 gram weight gain and is now, 3 lbs even steven!! Hurray Abby! That is over her birth weight and an all time high!

Ells continues to be a stinker with her NG tube. In fact, when we walked in this afternoon, she had just taken it out and waved it all over her isolette, so the nurses were changing her bedding. She apparently thinks this is great fun. Ramona was back today, and said that Ella was practically trying to eat her own hand. She feels that Ella may be ready to try a bottle even though she is a smidge too young. She has proposed it to the higher ups, so we'll see. If not now, she is only about a week or two away from being able to give it a try. She was as bright eyed as can be today. We think she likes to have a little fun with Ramona, who gives her massages, reads to her and sings to her. Ramona is one fun nurse!

Ella had a 10 gram gain today which puts her at a little over 3 - 3 1/2 lbs - another all time high!

They are at 32 gestational weeks today...

I have to say that I miss them being inside me. I still feel little phantom kicks from time to time. It all happened so fast, I didn't get a chance to feel "today is my last day of being pregnant". It makes me a little sad....especially that I couldn't keep them in longer. But at least I get to hold them, if only for a little while. I keep telling myself how wonderful next Christmas will be...three children running around the house, two high pitched little girl squeals. I am so grateful that I have gotten to experience the miracle of motherhood - being Connor's mom as well as the girls....and my new mantra...every day is a miracle, every day is a victory!

Best of Times, Worst of Times

Today got off on a positive note....the girls have been moved to a twin room, so they will not have any room mates. I am thankful for this. They had several babies in with them over the last two days (they were in the triplet room), all of whom were in worse shape than they are. While I understand that maybe the staff just wanted the other babies to experience Abby and Ella's fabulous mojo, it was getting increasingly difficult for me. Selfish? Maybe. But when you are trying to stay positive for your own babies, it is hard to hear other preemies struggling. In addition to it just being sad and feeling for their families, it is hard to see what can actually happen. Especially while dealing with high blood pressure issues. So anyway, they have fantastic new digs in a new pod. Always nice to get a change of scenery.

I like to go in the mornings and just spend time talking with the girls. Lonny and I then go in the afternoon for Kangaroo Care. I don't know if I have explained what that is, but it is about an hour of skin on skin contact. My favorite part of the day. They lay the babies on our chests and then put a nice warm blanket over us. It is awesome, and I am sure it is helping mellow me out. But I love our mornings together too. I will talk to them about what is happening at home and sing to them (right now we are doing Christmas songs). This morning, I was invited to participate in rounds. This is where the entire staff in the particular pod gather around and discuss each baby and the plan for the day. I was so heartened by how attentive they are to my daughters. They really are aware of everything (down to how much their poops weigh, by golly) and really care. I think they truly are in the best hands possible (if they can't be at home, that is) and that they truly are working to bring them home. The Nurse Practitioner, whom I have not met before, knew my name, asked if I had any questions and thanked me for being there. It made having to park in the North 40 today (after some woman stole the parking spot I had been patiently waiting for and signaled to and ARG! I can't stand that) totally worth it.

I went to Ella first today and was immediately struck by how good she looked! Then I noticed something was different and I couldn't quite put my finger on it....and then it hit me....Ella didn't have the nose tube in! That could only mean one thing....she has weaned off the oxygen assistance! Sure enough, she is now on room air. We did a little isolette happy dance! I am so proud of her! And made sure to tell her repeatedly. Everyone loves to be praised.

Then I spent some time with Abby. It was lovely and at the end, I did her cares. She had a super duper pooper! Good girl, Abs! I had just finished up and was getting ready to say goodbye. All of a sudden she curled up in a ball and turned gray right before my eyes. Her breathing was really shallow and I could see she was struggling for each breath. She was in desat....meaning some respiratory distress. It was absolutely terrifying. I watched helplessly as her numbers started to plunge. (In case you are wondering, this did NOT do wonders for my blood pressure, I am sure). Our day nurse today, Ramona, came in and started doing all these adjustments and giving me instructions. Abby just looked awful, plain and simple and I couldn't see through my tears. Finally, we got her chin up and shifted her position. Ramona told me to place my hands on Abby's head and feet and take slow deep breaths. She said that Abby would follow my rhythm. Sure enough, it worked. (In reflection, I don't know if it was meant to help Abby as much as me...that Ramona is a SMART COOKIE) but it appeared to do the trick. I felt better and so did Abby. She turned a beautiful shade of pink. After everyone had calmed down, Ramona told me that these little episodes are the norm in the NICU and that I would get used to it. I don't know how something like that will ever feel like normal. It shook me to the core, and I was told that it wasn't even that dire of a situation. Later in the car, I allowed myself one more breakdown and thought, how am I ever going to survive this....for an indefinite amount of time? Why is it that Lonny and I trying to bring our children to us is always difficult? After all we have been through, didn't we deserve something to be easy? Hard questions. But I am sure that in time, this will be a distant memory. I will have all three of my beautiful children at home where they belong and we will barely remember all of this.

I felt much better during Kangaroo Care. I always feel better when Lonny is there anyway. Today was my day with Abby. We switch off every day. I was so glad it was an Abby day after our earlier scare; all I wanted to do was hold her, kiss her and tell her how much I love her. I watched her monitors and whenever her numbers started to decrease, I would try the deep breathing trick. It worked EVERY SINGLE TIME. Now I know.

At last check, at 11:00 this evening, Abby was doing fine. I am assured that she is still on room air, she just needs a little help with air pressure. They did try her on just room air this evening, but she only lasted an hour and a half before it was obvious that she was having to work too hard. Our night nurse told me that this is in no way a set back, it's just NICU life with a preemie, and is temporary. She is only on a quarter liter. After what I witnessed today, I am perfectly fine with it. Heck, we all need a little help now and again.

Even with all the excitement and calorie burning Abby did today, she still managed to pull in a 15 gram weight gain! It is small, but we will take it. She is now at 2 lbs, 14.5 oz. For the first time, she has passed her birth weight...if only by half an ounce. Small things are big victories in the NICU!

Ella, the little stinker, has apparently become quite the artist at pulling out her NG, or eating tube, which goes up her nose. Ramona said that at one point she had pulled it out and was waving it around as if to say "Power to the Preemies!!" She since has done it quite a few times and I could tell she may be exasperating her night nurse, just a little. I think she is feeling pretty smug now that she ditched her nose canula (oxygen tube). She pulled in a 10 gram gain tonight and is now sooooo close to her birth weight. She is at 3 lbs 2.8 ounces. She is a little love bug....but she let Daddy know in no uncertain terms that she did not appreciate that he didn't shave before coming to see her....he was scratchy!!

Really, in the grand scheme, it's a good day. Every day that you get through with everyone alive and well is a good day. I am thankful for the progress, yet I am grateful for the tough times too. It strengthens my resolve to be the best mother I can be. And to forgive myself when I am not. My daughters are teaching me lessons already.

Weight Watchers!

Abby went on a little oxygen assistance today. She is the same as her sister, on half a liter of just flow, but still breathing room air. The reason is the girls upped their calories to a whopping 24 (Abby is clearly competitive and trying to stay even with her sister)!! It is not an unusual situation, nor is it indicative of any sort of problem. Sometimes when the preemies up their food intake, they are working so hard to get the nourishment in them they forget to breathe. There is an awful lot for them to remember! Not to worry, Daddy and Abby had a nice little chat about it tonight during Kangaroo Care. She gained 20 grams since last night. This puts her right back at her birth weight of 2 lbs 14 oz. Hopefully, it's all up from here!

Ella has gained a whopping 40 grams since last night! This puts her at 3 lbs 2 oz, almost back to birth weight. She is doing great! She finds great comfort in putting her tiny hands on her face. We used to see her do this on the ultrasounds too. She and I had a lovely visit this afternoon. She makes the cutest little noises and as I stated before, she loves to snuggle.

The girls received the most adorable little hats in the mail today. My drummer Rob and his wife sent them, and I am sure someone made them. They are so small and adorable, yet still so very big for my little girls, that I couldn't help but burst into tears. I cannot wait for the day that they can wear them. I also ordered their personalized Christmas stockings today so that we will be ready to celebrate our extra Christmas when they come home to us at last.

I am still struggling with my blood pressure. I went in for a routine check by the nurses today and it was through the roof! The doctor came in and talked to me and decided to adjust my meds. I am hoping it starts to make a difference very soon. My blood pressure is making my blood pressure go up! I was admonished that I am not getting enough rest and was reminded that I just had major surgery. So looks like I have to try and slow down. This will not be easy for me. Please keep me in your prayers, if you would. It has me a little worried, to say the least!

Making Progress

Today I brought two ornaments for the NICU tree. I also brought each of the girls a little tiny stuffed puppy that wishes you a Merry Christmas and gives out two adorable barks when you squeeze their tummies.

Abby was battling a little jaundice again yesterday. This morning she was completely off the lights and her bilirubin was down to 4! Way to go Princess! She had a 10 gram gain and is up to 2 lbs 13 oz.

Ella is on a half liter of oxygen. She is doing great!! She also had a 10 gram gain, but I need to check and see where that puts her. She is definitely the more snuggly of the two. At Kangaroo time, she just burrows in and gets all kinds of comfy.

The girls are both going up in calories! This is very exciting because we should see some good weight gain with this new development.

But the biggest news is that they both had their head cat scans today. They do this to look for broken blood vessels in their heads. Those would be indicative of any developmental problems in their brains. BOTH GIRLS PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS!!!!

We are so grateful...today the girls had a couple of temporary room mates, both of whom were fighting for survival. It was heartbreaking to hear what was going on (they pull all the curtains shut) and we were asked to leave after only a few minutes during our afternoon visit. It made me cry with sadness for those babies (they will not give out any information re: the outcomes) and their parents, and made me weep with gratitude that our angels are doing so well. There is one thing that I am learning quickly....the NICU is a place of sorrow and joy. I am so thankful we have so much to be joyful about.

One Week Old!

I can't believe it has been a week since all the excitement!

I finally got to come home on Friday. They kept me an extra day because of my blood pressure. I am taking medication now and hoping it soon comes down on it's own. Leaving those babies at the hospital though? One of the hardest things I have ever done. It gives me a little pain in my heart every time I have to do it.

That being said, I bawled like a baby when I got home. My house may not be the house of my dreams or a big old mansion, but it is home. I was so happy to be here. There truly is no place like home.

Enough about me you say? Let's hear about the girls? Well alrighty then....

Both of the babies are doing great. They continue to thrive and impress everyone with their progress. Everyone says what pretty babies they are and I have to agree!
They are both being fed through nose tubes and probably will be until 34 weeks or so. They both lost weight, as all babies do, but are both just 2 ounces shy of their birth weights! And they both will steal your heart the second you lay eyes on them.


Miss Abby wouldn't open her eyes for her week old picture for NOTHIN! That's okay...she was a sleepy little angel and when they sleep, they do their best growing! Abby is still spunky, though a little less feisty once they started the nose tube feeding. She is ready to eat from a bottle...heck, she would eat off a PLATE if they let her. she is already at 19 milliliters. She is my over achiever (I called that one from the womb, if you remember) and is so cute. She LOVES having her hair brushed. Little Princess Abby.....that's my baby!

Bright eyed Miss Ella, is almost completely off the oxygen assistance. They are weening her slowly which is fine...we've nothing but time! She perks up at the sound of my voice and bats her eyes at her Daddy....as if she didn't already have him wrapped around her finger! She is up to 22 milliliters of food. Ella is already showing signs of being my girlie girlie, she loves to wear bows! Abby will tug at hers, while Ella will wear the same one for days!! My little Beauty Queen, that's my Ella!
We have established a visiting schedule and the Ward and our family have stepped up and offered to take Connor for a couple of hours on week-ends so we can see the girls and have our Kangaroo Care time. I am hoping they will be home by the end of January, and I will NOT take the Christmas tree down until they are here. I am so proud of them for all the fight in them and for being determined, strong little ladies. I am so proud of Connor, this has been so hard on him and he can't even see the babies...he will be such a great big brother and has so much love in his little heart. And of my amazing husband, who spent so much time with me at the hospital while taking care of things at home. My heart is so full of love, I had no idea I was capable of this much love! And it just keeps growing....I'm afraid it will burst.

Welcome Abby & Ella!

We are so pleased to announce the birth of our baby girls...Abigail Grace and Eleanor Brooke! They are just beautiful and we are so happy! Because they are preemies (born at 30 weeks) they will be in the NICU for a while. Everyday there is new progress to report. Because so many people love our girls, we are starting this blog so that our family and friends can check in on their progress. The blog will be going private, so be looking for your invitation to join.

The girls were born on Sunday, December 12. Abby arrived at 5:31 p.m. weighing in at 2 lbs 14 oz. She is 14 1/2 inches long. Ella followed two minutes later and weighed in at 3 lbs 3 oz. and is 15 1/2 inches long.

Right away, Abby took the lead and didn't need any oxygen, other than room air. Ella had to be put on a C-pap but is now down to the nose tube. Both have already had jaundice come and go! The nurses and the neonatalogist we spoke with today all rave about their progress. They have said that they would probably be in until February, but we are optimistic that it may be sooner. I will try to post daily, between spending time at the NICU and taking care of the rest of the family. Please check back often...and please keep on praying for our precious angels. And now, presenting.....




Abby Grace
Ella Brooke
Our beautiful, beautiful girls.